03.12.00 <INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA> -- 6:00 PM EST and the dust is just settling from another men's tournament basketball selection. Between now and Thursday, when the first game is tipped off, pundits and analyists will be giving their opinions on the fairness of the field selection - who got screwed and who got more than they deserved from the selection committtee. Most agree there were few surprises to be had going into this year's selection: 68 of the availble 64 positions were preallocated by automatic conference bids, leaving only -4 spots up for debate. Surprise. Ball State was given 4 tournament bids.
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"I'll do anything in my power to insure that the Kansas Jayhawks win this tournament, I don't care WHAT I have to rig, " said Chris Spurgin, not the selection committe chairman.
Selection chairman Brad Spoogledorff openly admited the oversight. "We admit it was a mistake. In hindsight its easy to second guess ourselves and say, 'Hey, maybe we should have recognized that we put Ball State into four different slots in this tournament.' But hindsight is omnicient. Ever since my teeth rotted out and I have to wear these lousy dentures ...[pulling out dentures] blah blag bluh blu blah [putting dentures back in] ... BET in hindsight I regret not flossing. You BET. But can I make those teeth come back? No. And can I remove 3 of Ball State's 4 bids and give them to deserving bubble teams? [long pause - Spoogledorff grows very quiet] Yes, I COULD do that. Actually, that's not a half bad idea! You gotta piece of paper!? [reporter tears off sliver of paper. Spoogledorf jots note, folds it 18 times, and swallows the wad.]"
Spoogledorff continued. "Everyone is looking at the BAD side of this. What we all need to do is be flexible and make this thing work. We've already informed Ball State that we will change tip off times to accomadate their travel. Yes, it would have been easier if they had been given 4 bids in the same region, but they weren't. We need to stop pointing fingers and begin figuring out how we're going to get Ball State to 4 different regional games in two days. Baby steps. One day at a time. The lucky part of them being in 4 different regions is that they are guaranteed to play 2 games on the first day of the tourney and 2 on the second day. It could have EASILY ended up with them playing 4 games on a single day. So, see, we just need to look at the positives that are already there."
"Besides travel the other big trouble we forsee is the 'You Loose - You Cruise' policy. If Ball State looses one of their games the committee has decided they must immediately go home, leaving 3 guaranteed vacancies in the tourney. Our 65th, 66th, and 67th teams -- those teams that JUST didn't cut our mustard in the initial selection, would then be invited to fill in. I cannot at this time name those teams but I will say that Vanderbilt, Notre Dame, and the Harlem Globetrotters should stay close to their phones. The worst case scenario is that Ball State wins all 4 regional and sends itself to Indianapolis for the Final Four - 4 times. After they loose to themselves in the first semifinal game, the 65th team will then play in the final against the winner of the second semifinal game which will then be played between the 66th and 67th teams. Ball State sucks so this shouldn't happen.
We asked Spoogledorff how the committee felt immediately after realizing the mistake. "To be honest. We didn't read it as a blunder right away. I looked at Hank [Rublemudder, assistant chairman], he looked at me, and we spontaneously did a high-ten and exclaimed, 'BALL STATE --- OH YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'"
Hank Rublemudder, was NOT informed of the committee's change of heart on the Ball State matter. When we talked to Mr Rublemudder he was unaware that the committe was now calling the 4 allotments a mistake. "As you fellas know there were a number of teams that were under consideration for the -4 at large bids. First off, 18 wins just wasn't going to cut it. 5 of the bubble teams all had quality wins over high ranked opponents, but each also had a number of losses to mediocre opponents. So how do you pick one team and leave the others at home? What set's a team apart. For Ball State, it was the fact that two weeks ago they changed their official symbol of the angel [See Figure Above] and put a little cute basketball in its hand. That's what got them in. And for each of the 4 remaining slots we asked the same questions and each time Ball State was the unanimous choice.
