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 Song of former Texas state bird, the mockingbird.real: 8 k Sweet sounds of the newest Texas state bird, the Plain White Bucket.real: 11 k wav: 45 k SCRIPT ERROR 33: Private access link
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"Will you miss having the mockingbird as your state bird?"  Yes, Definitely.  34% A Little Bit. 20% Not Really. 13% Wasn't that the guy who played for the Harlem Globetrotters? He was our state bird? Gosh, I'll really miss the guy. 12% I am not from Texas. Quit harassing me. I am calling the police. 30% |
01.17.00 <AUSTIN, TEXAS> -- Thanks to the Texas 75th Congress, next time you buy a souvenir T-shirt in Wako, or a souvenir silver spoon in Lubbock, expect to see the image of the Plain White Bucket adorning it. The Plain White Bucket, or "The bucket" as it is called for short, was voted in as the new Texas state bird nearly three years ago when the 75th Congress rushed to an end. Last week in Austin, "Sorters" (regular employees hired by Congress to figure out what exactly vas voted for) announced that the old state bird, the mockingbird, had been replaced by the 5-gallon bucket. [Editor's Note - read related article - "SORTERS DISCOVER THAT NUCLEAR ENERGY PLANTS BOTH BANNED AND GIVEN THE GO AHEAD"]
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How did it happen? Texas, a state with a history of term limits, put a two congress term limitation on the position of state bird back in 1984 [Editors Note: Additional legislation was passed in 1985 that allowed for any current or previous office holding state bird to be re-elected into its same position]. The mockingbird, first chosen by Texas in 1927 as its bird representative, was rubber stamped back into that postion three times. All that changed with the 75th Congress.
The Sorter responsible for uncovering the vote, Mr. Dick Morten, described the 75th Congress' bird related action with the following simile: "As a Sorter I am always interested in WHY a decision was made. Mostly we can't come up with the WHYs. It's like when a kid steals a candy bar from a candy store. When a child steals, we know they do so because they want the candy real bad. And when legislators vote on issues like the state bird, they publicly state and record why they make their choices. Sure, you can go back later and ask the child, 'Why did you take that juicy piece of candy you wanted real badly because it was the peanut butter/chocolate kind you so love.' Or maybe you get lucky and you find that the child wrote a diary entry which reads, 'Man, I want that candy bar bad. I want it because it will taste so good. These are the reasons why I will follow my master plan to steal MY candy bar tomorrow at 3pm. I'll knock off the place on my way home from school.' But are you any closer to finding out WHY? No. You can see why its nearly impossible to figure out WHY these kind of things happen."
One theory buzzing about the Austin Capitol is that it was a mix up by a senator's administrative support team. The image of the mockingbird commonly used in publications since 1952 is one of the bird naturally perched upon a large white bucket out in its natural habitat (see image above). The bucket does figure prominently in the scene, and many we talked to in the Capitol anonymously admitted that they'd always wondered whether the bucket or the bird was actually the state bird. With state law requiring the inclusion of a picture in the bi-congressional presentation of the State Bird Bill (as it is not know), files show that in 1987 the same 1952 picture was again submitted, but this time were two labels also added to the picture reading "Bucket" and "Bird". Some say this was enough to cause the confusion that may have lead to the switch. Indeed, in the blank where the 1987 Birdie Bill reads: "STATE THE BIRD:_____________", the words "Mockingbird" and "Bucket" are each scratched out before bucket was faintly written in #.05 weight pencil.
Another theory is that Bucket-Block lobby, a coalition of bucket rich counties flexed their political muscles. Records of the 75th Congress shown that all but one legislator voted favor of the bucket. The autobiographies of each "yeah" voting member show, without exception, evidence of some note home to a constituent with the following sentiment: "Dear constituent. How are you? I am fine. I hope you are well". Also, in the biography of a single legislator, we found the following quote: "It would have been political suicide to have opposed the Bucket-Block on Bill#7552443332. P.S. Loved the caramel and cheese flavored popcorn sections the best. Ha ha ha. You ole dog." This theory quite obviously holds water. [Editor's Note: Check out our new specialty bookstore on the web @--> www.texas_ legislators_ serving_ from_ 1996_ to_ 1997_ and_ dogs_ bred_ in_ england.com]
Some Texas citizens are not pleased by the change.
"It seems to me that we've got 2 doozies on our hands," says Austin Democrat [Editor's Note: That's the dude's name -- he is in no way affiliated with the Texas legislature.] "Firstly, why does it take three years for the Texas legislature to find out what it has done and secondly, why THIS bucket. Why THIS bucket? And thirdly, how will Austin and Dallas and San Antonio look with buckets roosting in every tree? To me that's the REAL issue. I mean, once buckets find out they are the state bird they will all begin flocking here to infest Texas!
"It's just like that time when they announced that the Monarch Butterfly was the state insect and we had to deal with all those friggin' butterflies. Hell, I remember skipping through my local park one afternoon and like 4 or 5 friggin' butterflies, maybe a whole gang, attacked me out of the blue. One landed right on the seam of my sweater and started eating the stitching. What next? 5 buckets?"
Perhaps. While some like Mr. Democrat worry about the loss of the mockingbird, most Texans seem to be embracing the bucket. Up again for consideration in the 77th Congress, the bucket just might be here to stay. This time when history repeats itself, it may be the bucket and not the bird that wins the day.
[Notable Quotes]
anonymous:
"I always thought that having any bird for our state bird was very un-Texas like. I mean, we like things so big and birdies are so tiny. This vote was a giant step for the people."
anonymous:
"Have you ever tried to carry 5 gallons of raw beef with a Mockingbird? I bet you have. And so you are aware that Mockingbirds just aren't the best instrument to do the job. Now that 5-gallon bucket on the other hand -- its like -- its like - its like it was MADE for the job. Just uncanny. So what do I THINK about these developments? I think it's GREAT. You got a problem with that? You mocking me boy? WHAT?! DID YOU JUST SAY SOMETHING ABOUT MY MOMMA? [Editor's Note: tape recording gets fuzzy here, as if hand held device was violently knocked to ground. Rest of quote not discernable.]
anonymous:
"What was the question?"
anonymous Oklahoman:
"Gribble grabble. Urk marue. Veeeeeeeee bitz!"
Mable Marbles of MarblesMarblyVille, TX
"It just makes me so happy. I am SO FIRED UP. THIS IS THE GREATEST THING TO EVER HIT TEXAS! YEEEEEEE HAWWWWWWW!"
[Editors Note: Attempts were made to interview the bucket and the mockingbird. Both gave inconclusive interviews at best. The mockingbird, as if mocking us, would continually agree to talk, come to rest near one of our reporters, and then when our reporter belted out a probing question, the bird would fly away. After 14 hours of this game, the interview was aborted. The bucket provided little more insight than the mockingbird. While it did not run away, it did refuse to comment on all but two of the questions we asked it.]
